Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw, describing the clean limerick as a periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity. From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function.
-Wikipedia
Create a scenario of your own (involving 2-4 characters) without describing it and then convert it into a self-contained dialogue of no more than 500 words. Our job as your readers will be to work out as much as we can about the scenario and the characters involved from the dialogue alone.
- Linda, come on!
- NO! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU BASTARD.
- I know how much you like pancakes, so I made you some. Here, can’t you smell them?
- No, I can’t smell them, and I won’t smell them.
- Where is Fluffy?
- The cat?
- YES, THE CAT. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY GODDAMN CAT?
- I just let him out in the garden. I know you don’t like to do that, but I took a stab at it anyway.
- Oh my gohohoood.
- No, don’t start crying. I can give you a hug if you just come out of that bath room.
- Just GO AWAY. I never wanted you here in the first place. The police are on their way!
- No they aren’t. I know you don’t have a phone in there. I fixed your sink after all.
- I might have a cell phone!
- No, I can see the kitchen from here, and I see your cell phone from here. Just come out, I can stay here all day.
- Someone will look for me!
- Nope. They all think you’ve been on an airplane the last 20 minutes. The only one who will be suspicious will not know in another twelve hours.
- Have you been listening to everything I’ve said the last week!?
- You made it quite easy to do it, dear.
- EASY!? I was on the second floor when we planned that trip, WITH MY DOOR CLOSED. THERE’S NO CHANCE YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD THAT UNLESS YOU LISTENED FROM JUST OUTSIDE MY DOOR.
- Well you shouldn’t have kept that secret from me, I mean really? Why would you do that?
- WHY WOUDN’T I!? DO YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS A PORNO OR SOMETHING!?
- No, but I saw how you looked at me when I left last time I was here.
- I wasn’t even by the window when you left; I was in my room crying. Please… just leave.
- YOU KNOW WHAT!? IT’S YOUR FUCKING CHOICE NOW! EITHER I BREAK DOWN THIS FUCKING DOOR, AND GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST KISS I’VE EVER GIVEN SOMEONE, OR I LEAVE AND I NEVER COME BACK!
- Just LEAVE then!
- FUCK YOU BITCH! I’M COMING IN!
- I HAVE A KNIFE! I’LL FUCKING STAB YOU!
- Pfft. Sure. I’m breaking down this door now, Linda.
Create and briefly describe a scenario of your own (involving 2-4 characters) and then write a matching dialogue to go with it. As with the task above, try to bring your scenario to some sort of close in the actual dialogue. Target length (including scenario description): 350-750 words.
Man 1 bumps into Man 2, and accidentally makes Man 2 drop his box of chocolates. They start talking, and find out they are both going to the same woman, or are they?
Man 1: Sorry for bumping in to, man. I’m just a little stressed. I can replace it? Here, I have ten dollars in my wallet, you can have it.
Man 2: Thanks. Too bad ten dollars won’t buy me back that box of chocolates right away. My girlfriend called me and said I had to come over, right away. She sounded kinda down, so I bought her that box of chocolates just to give her something nice.
Man 1: Well this is ironic. I’m stressed out because of the exact same thing.
Man 2: Yeah, that is ironic. Wouldn’t it be creepy if we were going to the same girl?
Man 1: Yeah. Which stop is yours?
Man 2: Central Park North.
Man 1: No way. That’s my stop.
Man 2: No way.
Man 1: Yes, that’s my stop.
Man 2: You don’t think we’re going to the same girl do you?
Man 1: I don’t know, man. What’s you girlfriend’s name?
Man 2: Lindsey. She lives on 110th.
Man 1: Not West, right?
Man 2: Would you believe me if i said no?
Man 1: Probably not… What floor?
Man 2: Third.
Man 1: Does she live with a roommate?
Man 2: Yup. She has a roommate. The roommate’s name is… Lindsey… HahaHAHA. Could you believe that? How the hell could we forget about that?
Man 1: When you say it… yeah, they’re both named Lindsey. Can’t believe I forgot about that. I think you scared me so much I forgot. Isn’t it pretty dumb though? Being roommate with a girl with the same name as herself. They pretty much asked for this to happen.
Man 2: Hah, yeah. It could’ve gone really bad though. The scene I would have caused would have to be kept in check by cops.
Man 1: Same here. I may be pretty calm, but I hate it when people back stab you like that.
Man 2: Yeah, I had a friend that did that to his girlfriend once. He had to come clean.
Man 1: How come?
Man 2: I punched his his front teeth out. Told him that I would punch them all out if he didn’t come clean.
Man 1: Whoa dude. Who was the girl?
Man 2: My little sister.
Man 1 : Oh. Ok then, mental note to self: Don’t cheat on someone that has a big brother.
Man 2: Good idea. So if I’m not completely wrong, your Lindsey is from Minnesota, right?
Man 1: No, my Lindsey is from Ohio…
Man 1 and Man 2 looks at each other with a look of dread. Man 1 gets up from his seat, and sits down at the other end of the subway wagon.
Select one of the following scenarios, copy it to your page and then write a matching dialogue to go with it. Whatever your choice, try to bring the scenario to some sort of close in the actual dialogue. Target length: 250-500 words.
A childlike creature dressed in muddy rags is rudely awakened from her sleep by what appears to be an inquisitive leprechaun prodding her with an oak twig.
Leprechaun: Child! CHILD!
Childlike (Staring at the small man intently): Whaaaat?
Leprechaun: You can’t sleep here. They are looking for kids like you to take to the orphanage. Don't you know that?
Childlike: First of all, who are “they”? Second, I’m fifteen years old.
Leprechaun (Looks surprised from the news): Oh… Awful small are you not?
Childlike: Yeah, I have heard that one before.
Leprechaun: But I just said it, and we only just met! Are you some kind of wizard?
Childlike: No… Just… I… (Deep sigh) Who are “they”, and why would they take me? I’m not a child.
Leprechaun: They are The Police, and they take teenagers too you know!
Childlike: What do they do with teenagers?
Leprechaun: Throw ‘em out the city gates.
Childlike (Looks around at the surroundings): They don’t recruit or anything. They just throw us out?
Leprechaun: Yes.
Childlike: How do they stop us from getting in again?
Leprechaun: They don’t.
Childlike: They don’t? Why the bloody hell not?
Leprechaun: Costs too much they say.
Childlike: But, why do they even throw us out then?
Leprechaun: Because of their motto. “They will tire before we do!”
Childlike (Stares at the leprechaun, visibly dumbfounded): …….. Really? They do the same thing with criminals?
Leprechaun: Yes, and yes. Most persistent lot they are. They don't do it like that where you come from?
Childlike: I don’t really know if I’d call that persistence or stupidity… And no, they don't.
Leprechaun): If you think you know better than them, how about you go tell them what they have to do?
Childlike: You know what? I think I will. And here I was looking for a place to sleep, not a place to work. Then again, I think I will be able to do both this time.
Leprechaun: This time? Where are you from, girl?
Childlike: I hail from Nowhere, I’ve lived a while in Noneofyourbusiness and I’ve been here in Dumb City for two years now.
Leprechaun: … This town isn’t called Dumb City.
Childlike: From now on it is, and the other cities are all along the west coast.
Leprechaun: Oh, I see. What is your name child, so I know who to call for when I see you again?
Childlike: Noreen… My name was… IS Noreen.
The teenage girl stood up straight, stretched a little, and then set off to the police station.
Trapped
After all these years, the opportunity suddenly presented itself. I had been given a choice, and since I had been trapped in this dungeon for so long, the ghost has started to get on my nerves.
“JOHN” he screamed at me. “Listen, please, just…”
The rest of his speech was the same as it had been the last years I had been trapped here. I never quite understood why he just could not leave me alone. He was a ghost, so he should just be able to leave this place and never come back, but then again, I have not aged at all in this dungeon, I have not even grown a beard, so there has to be a magic barrier around it.
The dungeon itself was not inhospitable. There was a relatively comfortable bed, the warmth was agreeable and the humidity was good enough. The only light I got came from a small barred window near the ceiling of the room, which was almost twice as high up as I was tall. Unsatisfying, I admit, but the door to the room was a thick metal door without any bars whatsoever, so there was no hope of getting any light from the corridor, other than that from the feeding hatch. Thusly, the only light I got was the light of day. The bricks used to build this dungeon must have been taken from the biggest mountain I have ever seen, since they all measure up to about as high as both my hands put next to each other, and they were all warm to the touch.
I cannot even remember why I was put here in this giant of a cell. I do however not like it, as all days flow together into one large mess, and I cannot help but worry that I would never be able to get out of here. The ghost was with me all the time; he must have been hell bent on following me, since no one can throw a ghost in prison. He told me his name was Jason, which I immediately found to be an unorthodox name for this day and age. He claimed he was here to help me, but I would never believe his lies. He tells me a lot of details from what I assume has been his life, and then tried to tell me it was mine. I told him no.
Every now and then, he has woken me, as he has watched me, all night long. I thought he was trying to possess me in some way. He was a ghost after all.
“Jason, can you please listen?” he asks me in a frumpy manner.
“First of all, stop calling me Jason. “ I answer, bitterly. “Second, what is it now, wraith? Are you going to tell me I have to remember again? Are you going to tell me this can all be over if I just stop this nonsense? You know nothing of me, and I nothing of you!”
“You know everything about me, and therefore you know everything about yourself. I have told you all you need to know, but I know nothing about this John Dunkeep that you speak of. You are NOT John Dunkeep.”
“Then how come you have not called me ‘Jason’ until now?”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you only just started listening when I call you by your real name! You are being eclipsed by this madness!”
The ghost was getting impatient with me. The first times he spoke to me, he called me by his own name, and now he had started with his nonsense again. He must have had a son, or someone close to him, that must be why he was mixing up names. I was John Dunkeep, and I will always be John Dunkeep. He tries to tell me to remember someone called Sarah. I have never known such a person.
“I am getting fed up with your trickeries, ghost. Stop telling me to remember her. I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Your favorite color is blue, you like macaroni and cheese, and your parents are called Bertha and Roy”
I waved this off as nothing, but somewhere inside me something tingled.
It was almost time for food. This dungeon must be close to a castle, for the food I was getting was not entirely bad. The food was given to me through a tiny hatch in the thick metal door. Whenever it opens, I tried my best to get a glimpse of the outside world. The few times I have managed to see anything, I have only managed to see that the corridor outside of the cell is painted in a pale color, not white, but close to it. The floor looked to be the same color and none of it looked like rock.
Ah yes, I have been boring you with old details. The choice. I was given the choice to both stay in the cell, and regain what I had lost, or leave the cell, and embrace the light. This was told to me through the food hatch, by a voice without body.
I chose to leave it all behind, it took a lot of courage to do this, but I could see no other way to get out of this cell.
The ghost was protesting, because he thought this was a bad choice.
“JASON, please listen to me!”
“You did it again, ghost”
“Did what?” he asked me, tired as he was.
“You called me by your name.”
“That’s because I AM YOU, YOU DUMB FUCK!”
I admit that he made me lose my grip, but nevertheless, I was intrigued.
“How can you be me, lest I am not dead?” I asked.
“Stop speaking in that fake posh English. It's lest I am dead, you just used a double negative. This is not a dungeon, and I am not a ghost!” he screamed, and I saw fear in his eyes.
“Why are you scared?”
“I am scared because if you die, I die, and the only reason you are seeing the pale white corridor is because it’s your only memory of what it looks like outside the cell.”
“How do you know this?”
“I know this because, I repeat, I am you. I am your subconscious. You are Jason Dunham, not Dunkeep, and your family all died in a horrible car crash. You developed a deep psychosis, because you were already in a depression. You are incarcerated at Meadow Hills Asylum. Please just take my hand and I’ll show you everything you’ve pushed away.”
He stretched his hand out, and I was fighting the temptation to grab hold of it, but we were interrupted by the door opening with a bang.
“JOHN DUNKEEP?” asked a voice without a body.
“Yes.” I replied.
“ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE STEPS?”
“NO!” the ghost screamed.
“Yes.” I said.
“THEN COME WITH US.” the voice said in a calm manner.
“JASON! LISTEN TO ME!” the ghost screamed at the top of his voice.
As he started to scream I ignored him. I could see the wide open plains in front of me, outside of the door. The ghost shattered before my very eyes, but I did not care. Finally, I would be able to leave. Freedom. There it was right in front of me!
